Je m'appelle Safa

What a great day I've just had at St Stephen's C of E Primary school in Bradford. I was invited in to work with them as part of the Arts Partnership scheme at Tong High School. I worked with lower KS2 in the morning, and then upper KS2 in the afternoon, teaching them how to perform poetry. What I hadn't bargained for, was that they would end up writing a poem each and performing that at the end of the day! As they barged in to the library after break, they were all chatting away saying 'Je m'appelle...'. I explained that it would be helpful to say their name after that, seeing as how it's the French for 'My name is...'. One girl piped up 'Je m'appelle Safa.' It wasn't long before that had turned into...

Je m’appelle…

Je m’appelle Safa

Je m’appelle Safa

Je m’appelle Safa

And I like to have a laugha

With a smile on my face

In such a cool place

It’s called School

Cool School

School’s cool

It’s called School!

Je m’appelle Imama

Je m’appelle Imama

Je m’appelle Imama

And I like to read with mama

With a smile on my face

In such a cool place

It’s called School

Cool School

School’s cool!

It’s called School!

Je m’appelle Keith

Je m’appelle Keith

Je m’appelle Keith

With a set of gleaming teeth

With a smile on my face

In such a cool place

It’s called School

Cool School

School’s cool

It’s called School!

Je m’appelle Con

Je m’appelle Con

Je m’appelle Con

And I like to sing this song

With a smile on my face

In such a cool place

It’s called School

Cool School

School’s cool

It’s called School!

What a great poem, and, as is often the case with poems, even better when you see it performed. The chorus with the Cool School bit was directly influenced by the wonderful Mrs Borscherd (try and pronounce that - I couldn't!), who is a bit of a poetry genius, it turns out. 

The older group wanted to make up their own poem, using a spoonerism. As we'd spoonerised Mr Timms that morning, turning him into Tister Mimms, we used that as a starting point. I wasn't sure we were going to manage to get a poem out of it, but the children made sure we did. Here it is...

Poor Old Tister Mimms

Tister Mimms, Tister Mimms

Eating food from all the bins

Sandwich crusts and mouldy cakes

Goodness how his tummy aches

Tister Mimms, Tister Mimms

Eating food from all the bins

Rotten grapefruit, teacher’s socks

Dried up bits of chicken pox

Tister Mimms, Tister Mimms

Eating food from all the bins

Mouldy old banana peel

How’d you think that made him feel?

SERY VICK!

Blaaaarrrgghhhh!!!

 

Fantastic! And the children's enthusiasm for pretending to be violently ill at the end of the poem drew a large round of applause from their peers who were watching all this. 

Well done to everyone who took part today - you certainly put a smile on MY face!

WRPITT

Nope. I didn't know what that stood for either, until yesterday. The Wakefield Regional Partnership for Initial Teacher Training! It was pointed out that it also sounds like the noise a frog would make!

WRPITT! WRPITT!

In normal language, it means a whole bunch of clever people (38 in this case!) who are training to be teachers. And I'd been given the honour of teaching them a few things about writing yesterday morning. It boiled down to us all having quite a laugh, being rather creative, and ending the morning creating a story about a bird who had the voice of an angel and spat out an endless stream of skittles whenever he sang. Bizarre? Yup. Fun? You bet!

So never let it be said that teachers don't know how to have fun. And if you are reading this and you have a new teacher in your class in a school in or around Wakefield, it might be that that new person was on my course. Ask them for a skittle. See if they giggle? If they do, they were probably responsible for making up such a daft story!

Globert Rossop

I'm back! I have not posted on here for AGEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!! A long, lovely, family holiday in May and a great Summer Holiday is partly the reason, but really , there is no excuse. Ten detentions for Conrad!

Right, now I'm back. And I've started off this particular school year with a great visit to a new school (to me) in Royston. Meadstead Primary Academy was its name, and we had some fun! The children there made it very clear that it'd better be interesting else they weren't going to be impressed...and judging by their faces and the way they listened, I'm HOPING that I got their seal of approval.

Most fun bit of the morning was with the Y5 and Y6 classes when I was busily spoonerising their names. I'd explained that Conrad Burdekin is spoonerised into Bonrad Curdekin, and naturally they all wanted to know what theirs would turn into. One boy, called Robert Glossop put his hand up.

Globert Rossop was what he became. And it was an instant hit. What a brilliant sounding name! And what a great word we created.

Globert
Globert
Globert

I just like saying it. I told him it would be an ace name for a character in a story. Or maybe it's a noun - I'd like a globert of honey on my toast, please?

Or perhaps a noise that a frog would make? Just after he's swallowed too much pond water.

Globert! Globert!

Whatever, it's a great name, and one I won't forget in a hurry.

Fame at last! (sort of...)

On Monday I had the pleasure of going to one of the nicest Junior and Infant schools I've ever been to - Halfpenny Lane in Pontefract. The school is one of brightest, friendliest, most welcoming that I've visited. And the artwork around school is fantastic. Literally wherever your eyes look, there is some kind of drawing / painting / model up on the wall. I think the teachers and TAs there have that well known disease that afflicts teachers young and old alike - see-a-blank-space-and-cover-it-up-itis - but what a great disease to have. It has such a powerful effect on the whole atmosphere of school.

The workshops with the children were fab, and then...the crowning moment...was this...

You might need to zoom in...

But for those of you with dodgy eyes...

On the far right, on the green Guided Reading tub, we have...J.K. Rowling.

Next to her, on the blue, the wonderful David Walliams...

After that, on the yellow...author of 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid' series, Jeff Kinney...

And next to that, on the red, little ol' me!!! Yup, Conrad Burdekin, rubbing shoulders with the great and the good of children's literature.

When I showed Alice tonight, she exclaimed: "Daddy, are you famous?!"

I had to explain to her that if the definition of fame is 'known to quite a lot of people in schools in the Yorkshire area' then, kind of...

"Ah," she said. "So, not like known by hundreds and billions."

No, not quite!

But still, I was very chuffed that some of the children had chosen me to be their 'mascot' as it were. Thanks guys!

School also put up a video of me doing one of my story workshops. It's hilarious. Listen to Ben ( I think it was Ben) when he is playing the role of a horrid bird called J.B. (Jelly Bean). He's just nicked some jelly beans off a poor old granny. When she shouts for her sweets back, his reply is priceless. You can see it at...

http://www.halfpennylaneschool.co.uk/learn-more/year-group-news/year-3-news

 

Really funny!

 

So thanks everyone at Halfpenny for a great day. I loved it!

 

 

PIRATE POEMS!!

Well, WHAT a lovely surprise I had two nights ago, when Miss Read emailed me to tell me some exciting news...her children had read my poem called 'Captain Cut-throat' from my book 'Teachers Pick their Noses' (no, that's NOT the exciting news...just be patient!) and that they had then written their own versions (getting more exciting, but that's STILL not the exciting news...). She then sent me a copy of three of the poems that some of her children had written, and they were AMAZING! And now, here they are, on my website, in all their glory. Well done you three! (And yes, THAT is the exciting news! You're on the internet, on my blog. Woo hoo!!!). The only problem is, Miss Read did not tell me which school she's from and I've forgotten (oops!). So please could you ask her to let me know.

Here are the poems..

Captain Vine

Captain Vine sails the seas,

With the world's most horrible disease,

Putrid warts all over his knees,

The only antidote is frozen peas.

Captain Vine sails the seas,

Always running away from tiny bees,

He has really scruffy hair,

And looks just like a grizzly bear.

Captain Vine sails the seas,

And always does a really big sneeze,

While pirate Dave tries to keep clear,

And tries to steer.

Captain Vine sailed the seas,

One fine day his crew stole his keys,

They locked him up at the bottom of the boat,

The poor old captain could not stay afloat.

By Josh

Captain Cruel

Captain Cruel sails the seas,

Itching like mad because of fleas,

She has to drink lime,

All of the time!

Captain Cruel sails the seas,

But she's scared of honey-making bees,

Around and around the boat they flew,

Scaring all the pirate crew.

Captain Cruel sails the seas,

The deep blue seas is what she sees,

Swishing around the famous land,

Overlapping the crusty sand.

Captain Cruel sails the seas,

One cool day she lost her keys,

The keys were locked in her room,

She could not see them for the gloom.

Captain Cruel sailed the seas,

One cold day she started to sneeze,

All day long she could not stop,

Eventually her head blew off!

By Alicia

 

Captain Vega

Captain Vega sails the seas,

Cats on board, even though they make her sneeze,

Says "Have no fear,

Land is near!"

Captain Vega sails the seas,

With pus-leaking warts that smell like cheese,

She got very ill,

And one pirate wrote a diary, with a quill.

Captain Vega sails the seas,

She's afraid of honey-making bees,

Suddenly, all the bees came,

Pirates thought the captain was lame.

Captain Vega sailed the seas,

Crafty pirates stole her keys,

They pushed her over the side of the boat,

She could not stay afloat.

By Caitlin

 

A Crazy Week!

Wow! That was a very very very busy week! It seems like a hundred years ago since I was at St Mary's, but yet it was only seven days ago. And what a great time we all had (we always do at St Mary's) - even the men on top of the room DIRECTLY ABOVE THE CLASSROOM seemed to be having a good time - scraping and hammering and bashing and fixing. I nearly jumped out of my skin the first time that they bashed on the roof, but slowly I became used to the dull thuds that punctuated my storytelling. Kind of gave it some atmosphere, especially when we got to the part of the story where there was booming thunder! The Year 4 children in Miss Stott's class were absolutely fantastic and by the end of the day they presented a brilliant re-enactment of Erik Bloodlust and the Revenge of the Monks. Wow, they were great!

By Wednesday I found myself heading down to Walsall and Lower Farm Primary. Anyone watching through the office window would have thought Mr Bean was coming to visit - the way that I reversed up, and down (and up, and down...) the car park, looking for a space in the tiny area reserved for all the teachers' cars was, I'm sure, amusing. When I eventually found a space, I was rather relieved...only to be told by the caretaker that I'd parked in the head's space! I'm surprised I made it through the doors on time, but I sure did, and thus began a really fast paced, bouncing round classrooms kind of day. I worked on brand new stories with every year group in school, and they came up with amazing stuff. My favourites included Sausage, the Sausage Shaped Bird, Beardy Beard the Bird, and Rainbow, the Naked Bird. There were others, too, and they were great. But, teachers, if you're reading, please forgive me for Bottom Face the Bird - I have no idea how that happened!

And so, the week continued apace, leaving me gasping for breath (and my bed!) after a great day at Greystones Primary in Sheffield. I always have a lovely time here, and I'm always very well looked after, and Friday was no different. My goodness, those children are full of life, energy, chattiness, and ideas. They sure know how to keep me on my toes.

So thank you everyone, for a busy, fun week. And here we go again...Sheffield in an hour or two!

Middlestown School and Disabled Rabbits

Crazy title, I know. But I do get to be involved in MANY strange conversations in the staffrooms of schools, and Tuesday was no different. One of the teachers was telling me about Ralph, a rabbbit that she used to have, who, due to a problem with his back, could not walk very well. I was unaware that wheelchairs existed for such eventualities, but, I was assured, they do. They are also, apparently, extremely expensive, so Ralph's 'mum' and her partner took the decision to make one! That's right, they made a wheelchair for a disabled rabbit - out of plumbing pipes, Kinex, and various other bits and pieces. Apparently Ralph managed very well in his wheelchair for ages, and I simply cannot get the idea out of my head of a rabbit whizzing about the house in a wheelchair. I think it's one of the best things I've heard for ages, and certainly extremely bizarre. More bizarre even than headteachers falling out of trees...which they don't EVER do, of course...do they?!

Middlestown is a lovely school, and I'm always very well looked after there, and my visit on Monday and Tuesday was no different. My first ever trip there saw me vying for attention with a (very loud) lawnmower whilst I tried to read poems to a hall full of children. Happily there were no such issues this time! The children wrote some fab poetry, and special congrats to Lottie in Year 2 who beat off competition from every other child in school to claim the coveted prize of LOTS of sweets! I was down the corridor from her classroom when she unwrapped the prize, and there was a rather loud gasp of awe from her classmates. I hope you shared your winnings Lottie...and WELL DONE on a great poem. She wrote about a bubble, and her line...

My bubble dances like Michael Jackson

was, I think, the tipping point for the judges. They were really impressed!

So thanks, once again, Middlestown, and here, for posterity's sake, is a poem that was written yesterday by Year 1. Lottie, if you're reading this (or anyone else from school), if you send me your poem I'll make sure that it gets on to my blog too...

ANTARCTICA

Antarctica is freezing
Antarctica has whales
Antarctica has seals
With teeth like nails - OUCH!

Antarctica has snow
Antarctica is ace
A roly-poly penguin
Landed on his face!


Cheerio for now to all my friends at Middlestown...I'll see you in September.

P.S. I nearly forgot! Thanks to a BRILLIANT (and increasingly hungry) King Poetry (Aaron) and fantastic Queen Poetry (Charlotte). You two were great fun and had the rest of the school in fits of giggles. I think you should team up as a double act!