Blast from the past at Towngate

I spent all day yesterday at Towngate school in Ossett. It was rather strange driving up the hill to the school - the same hill that I used to walk up in the late 80s and early 90s almost every day in the summer on my way to Spring Mill Golf Course. Some things look rather different when you're a grown up - the hill, for example, used to seem a lot longer and steeper than it did yesterday (although I guess yesterday I was in a car...).

What a brill day I had there. The children were lovely and the staff were extremely friendly. The poetry from some of the children was outstanding. Jacob, the eventual winner, wrote a fantastic riddle - I'm hoping to post the poem up here - so come on Jacob, send it through!

I really hope that I can go back there sometime. But I need to remember to watch my head when I go into the staffroom. I nearly knocked myself out on a low beam. Nobody's ever noticed it before, cos nobody is tall enough to be worried by it. Until me, that is!

And I'm sure that every child in school will forever remember that my name is Conrad (not Conran, Connor, Carl etc...). Conrad. Conrad! Conrad!!! With a 'd, d, d, d, d, d,'!

A Victorian Christmas

I spent all day yesterday with the Year 6s at Smawthorne Henry Moore Primary in Castleford, on the theme of 'A Victorian Christmas.' I've learned lots from researching this particular topic. For example, in the mid 1800s, the smell from the Thames was so overpowering and so grim, that the Members of Parliament upped and left, in the middle of their working day. It became known as 'The Great Stink.' I'd say that over the last few years there have been quite a lot of 'Great Stinks' when it comes to MPs! Also discovered that Sainsbury's and Boots started at this time from very humble beginnings in London. Not to mention that the phrase 'Mad as a Hatter' came from the Victorians as hat makers used mercury in their hat making, which in turn got into their blood and gave a number of them brain damage, turning them insane. Watching 'Alice in Wonderland' will never be the same again!

One of my favourite parts of the days was the poetry that the class came up with. I read them some Edward Lear, Hilaire Beloc, (and some of mine), and then got them to come up with their own nonsense limericks. Mrs Stott with a face full of snot was one of the best.

It will take me a good number of return visits before I get my head round the layout of the school. It was explained to me that it was essentially a figure of eight with a bulge at one side. Well, without frequent staff assistance I think I'd have been lost in the bulge a number of times!

Now it's Christmas full steam ahead for me. No more schools til Jan 3rd. Merry Christmas every one!

More poems

I've just been reading through the poems from tonight's competition. And there are some truly brilliant ones. One of the best, that nearly won the competition (but not quite. Oh, so close!), was written by my zany, wacky, and fantastic nephew Tom. It's about an angry suitcase. Here goes...

The Angry Suitcase

There was once an angry suitcase
Who snapped and snapped all night
People kept on throwing him
Until his face went white
But one day it all began!
And then he had a plan!
An extremely evil plan!
He had himself fitted wheels
And snapped at people's heels
And then he gave brith
And now his son rules the earth!!!!!

Written by Tom



Another fantastic poem (and appropriate for this time of year), was from Maddie, who decided that making up words was her best chance of success. And how close she came to winning the whole thing! Hers is about fireworks...

Firework-alicious

Fireworks are Bangtastic
Vampires think Fangtastic
I think Fandabatastic
What do you think?


Written by Maddie



The entries were awesome! Well done everyone and keep writing. Here's to next year's competition!

St Peters' Poetry Competition

There were some great poems handed in for the competition tonight. I must have had nearly 30 entries, which soundly beat last year's total of about 6. The winners, in the end, were Corey, Ellis and Dylan, who beat off competition from loads of other pupils. Here is their winning entry in full. It's untitled, but I have decided to call it 'Heart of Gold.'

Heart of Gold

I'm rich!
I'm rich!
I've just been told,
I have a heart of gold.
I might sell it,
But I doubt it,
I don't think I'll live without it!


Well done boys. And enjoy all the sweets that you won in the process! I sometimes see poems and think 'I wish I'd written that.' And this is one of them. Really brilliant.

Stanley St Peters' and heads falling off!

Today I had a rather special assembly - at Alice's school! She was sooooo excited that her daddy was going to be reading his poems to everyone at school. And when she walked in, I was full of smiles. As was she. But goodness me, WHAT a lot of children! There must have been 300 filling the hall from front to back. And they were pretty noisy. But it seems they enjoyed it. One child was apparently heard to say to his childminder that he laughed so much his head fell off and he had to get tape to stick it back on again!

And the accompanying evening shopping event went really well. Lots of books were sold, and lots of poems were written. Which leads me on to the next post...

Poetry Day at Ecclesall

What a GREAT day I've had at Ecclesall Junior school in Sheffield. Rarely have I been made to feel quite so welcome. Everyone was so kind - I even had cups of coffee brought to me as I worked!

And the children were amazing. The Year group poems at the beginning of the day that were showcased to me were outstanding. I loved the song / poem that the Y5 children did about Lowry (very moving, I found). The Y6 poem inspired after their visit to the World War Battlefields in France was stunning (not to mention the trumpet solo - or was it trombone? I always get them mixed up!). I'm still wondering what I'd do if I had Year 4s magic key, but my favourite had to be Y3s pet poem with the stick insect called (stickers?) who lived in some... Brilliant!

After I'd heard them I wondered how on earth I'd follow suit, but I did not need to have worried. As always, it's the children that come up with the really good stuff. I just have to give them some ideas, get them inspired, and then let them go. And go they did! They worked incredibly hard, and seemed to really enjoy the competition at the end of the day. Sammy, the winner from 5 C, was out of this world. But the other poets who made the final were excellent too. Highlights for me included ...

'My love for you is as perfect as teachers shutting up!' (A love poem written to football, I think it was!)

'It's...
It's...
It's...

Fallen out of my ears.' A reference to what happened to one young poet's idea for a brilliant sport poem when he 'forgot' to write the idea down.

Thanks to everyone at the Junior School. I truly truly had a fab time. Oh, and thanks to the poets who kept presenting me with poems that they'd written throughout the day. I was really touched to be given them.

Good school, good fun, goodnight!

Crown Jewels Theft!

Today I was up at Kinsley Primary, a lovely school in Pontefract. I ran a whole day based on the idea that the Crown Jewels had been stolen and that my uncle, Inspector Morris, had phoned me up to see if I could get the children to help. And did they ever! The kids were brilliant. The Y1s made some great posters to stick up around school advertising the fact that the jewels had been stolen. Miss Ellis' Y1/2 class discovered jewels hidden around school, and, intriguingly, including a stash outside the headteacher's door. Y3 was probably the most exciting session, as we rang a local jeweller's and put him on speaker phone to tell us what had happened. He'd had a strange gentleman in that very morning trying to flog the Crown Jewels! Y4/5 wrote an impassioned plea from the Queen for the robber to return her jewels and Y5/6 wrote adiary extract as if they were the robber, imagining how he'd broken into the Tower of London to steal the jewels.

After showing their work at the end of the day, three Y5/6 children interviewed Mr Birdsall, the headteacher. A number of strange coincidences had led them to believe that HE might be the thief. And despite his repeated denials, the truth finally came out as his car had been spotted down by the Tower of London on the night in question.

The best reaction of the day was when one of the boys asked Mr Birdsall his shoe size. Y3 had previously found size 8 shoe prints outside the head's office. When Mr B said 'Size 8' there was an audible gasp from the audience. Brilliant!

I'm happy to report that the Queen has decided not to press charges, as long as Mr Birdsall returns the jewels.

It was such fun, made more so by Y5/6's Martha, who at lunch told me: "It's all fake. I'm going to blow this case apart." I'm not sure she did ever 'blow it apart', but I am sure that she had fun.