PIRATE POEMS!!

Well, WHAT a lovely surprise I had two nights ago, when Miss Read emailed me to tell me some exciting news...her children had read my poem called 'Captain Cut-throat' from my book 'Teachers Pick their Noses' (no, that's NOT the exciting news...just be patient!) and that they had then written their own versions (getting more exciting, but that's STILL not the exciting news...). She then sent me a copy of three of the poems that some of her children had written, and they were AMAZING! And now, here they are, on my website, in all their glory. Well done you three! (And yes, THAT is the exciting news! You're on the internet, on my blog. Woo hoo!!!). The only problem is, Miss Read did not tell me which school she's from and I've forgotten (oops!). So please could you ask her to let me know.

Here are the poems..

Captain Vine

Captain Vine sails the seas,

With the world's most horrible disease,

Putrid warts all over his knees,

The only antidote is frozen peas.

Captain Vine sails the seas,

Always running away from tiny bees,

He has really scruffy hair,

And looks just like a grizzly bear.

Captain Vine sails the seas,

And always does a really big sneeze,

While pirate Dave tries to keep clear,

And tries to steer.

Captain Vine sailed the seas,

One fine day his crew stole his keys,

They locked him up at the bottom of the boat,

The poor old captain could not stay afloat.

By Josh

Captain Cruel

Captain Cruel sails the seas,

Itching like mad because of fleas,

She has to drink lime,

All of the time!

Captain Cruel sails the seas,

But she's scared of honey-making bees,

Around and around the boat they flew,

Scaring all the pirate crew.

Captain Cruel sails the seas,

The deep blue seas is what she sees,

Swishing around the famous land,

Overlapping the crusty sand.

Captain Cruel sails the seas,

One cool day she lost her keys,

The keys were locked in her room,

She could not see them for the gloom.

Captain Cruel sailed the seas,

One cold day she started to sneeze,

All day long she could not stop,

Eventually her head blew off!

By Alicia

 

Captain Vega

Captain Vega sails the seas,

Cats on board, even though they make her sneeze,

Says "Have no fear,

Land is near!"

Captain Vega sails the seas,

With pus-leaking warts that smell like cheese,

She got very ill,

And one pirate wrote a diary, with a quill.

Captain Vega sails the seas,

She's afraid of honey-making bees,

Suddenly, all the bees came,

Pirates thought the captain was lame.

Captain Vega sailed the seas,

Crafty pirates stole her keys,

They pushed her over the side of the boat,

She could not stay afloat.

By Caitlin

 

A Crazy Week!

Wow! That was a very very very busy week! It seems like a hundred years ago since I was at St Mary's, but yet it was only seven days ago. And what a great time we all had (we always do at St Mary's) - even the men on top of the room DIRECTLY ABOVE THE CLASSROOM seemed to be having a good time - scraping and hammering and bashing and fixing. I nearly jumped out of my skin the first time that they bashed on the roof, but slowly I became used to the dull thuds that punctuated my storytelling. Kind of gave it some atmosphere, especially when we got to the part of the story where there was booming thunder! The Year 4 children in Miss Stott's class were absolutely fantastic and by the end of the day they presented a brilliant re-enactment of Erik Bloodlust and the Revenge of the Monks. Wow, they were great!

By Wednesday I found myself heading down to Walsall and Lower Farm Primary. Anyone watching through the office window would have thought Mr Bean was coming to visit - the way that I reversed up, and down (and up, and down...) the car park, looking for a space in the tiny area reserved for all the teachers' cars was, I'm sure, amusing. When I eventually found a space, I was rather relieved...only to be told by the caretaker that I'd parked in the head's space! I'm surprised I made it through the doors on time, but I sure did, and thus began a really fast paced, bouncing round classrooms kind of day. I worked on brand new stories with every year group in school, and they came up with amazing stuff. My favourites included Sausage, the Sausage Shaped Bird, Beardy Beard the Bird, and Rainbow, the Naked Bird. There were others, too, and they were great. But, teachers, if you're reading, please forgive me for Bottom Face the Bird - I have no idea how that happened!

And so, the week continued apace, leaving me gasping for breath (and my bed!) after a great day at Greystones Primary in Sheffield. I always have a lovely time here, and I'm always very well looked after, and Friday was no different. My goodness, those children are full of life, energy, chattiness, and ideas. They sure know how to keep me on my toes.

So thank you everyone, for a busy, fun week. And here we go again...Sheffield in an hour or two!

Middlestown School and Disabled Rabbits

Crazy title, I know. But I do get to be involved in MANY strange conversations in the staffrooms of schools, and Tuesday was no different. One of the teachers was telling me about Ralph, a rabbbit that she used to have, who, due to a problem with his back, could not walk very well. I was unaware that wheelchairs existed for such eventualities, but, I was assured, they do. They are also, apparently, extremely expensive, so Ralph's 'mum' and her partner took the decision to make one! That's right, they made a wheelchair for a disabled rabbit - out of plumbing pipes, Kinex, and various other bits and pieces. Apparently Ralph managed very well in his wheelchair for ages, and I simply cannot get the idea out of my head of a rabbit whizzing about the house in a wheelchair. I think it's one of the best things I've heard for ages, and certainly extremely bizarre. More bizarre even than headteachers falling out of trees...which they don't EVER do, of course...do they?!

Middlestown is a lovely school, and I'm always very well looked after there, and my visit on Monday and Tuesday was no different. My first ever trip there saw me vying for attention with a (very loud) lawnmower whilst I tried to read poems to a hall full of children. Happily there were no such issues this time! The children wrote some fab poetry, and special congrats to Lottie in Year 2 who beat off competition from every other child in school to claim the coveted prize of LOTS of sweets! I was down the corridor from her classroom when she unwrapped the prize, and there was a rather loud gasp of awe from her classmates. I hope you shared your winnings Lottie...and WELL DONE on a great poem. She wrote about a bubble, and her line...

My bubble dances like Michael Jackson

was, I think, the tipping point for the judges. They were really impressed!

So thanks, once again, Middlestown, and here, for posterity's sake, is a poem that was written yesterday by Year 1. Lottie, if you're reading this (or anyone else from school), if you send me your poem I'll make sure that it gets on to my blog too...

ANTARCTICA

Antarctica is freezing
Antarctica has whales
Antarctica has seals
With teeth like nails - OUCH!

Antarctica has snow
Antarctica is ace
A roly-poly penguin
Landed on his face!


Cheerio for now to all my friends at Middlestown...I'll see you in September.

P.S. I nearly forgot! Thanks to a BRILLIANT (and increasingly hungry) King Poetry (Aaron) and fantastic Queen Poetry (Charlotte). You two were great fun and had the rest of the school in fits of giggles. I think you should team up as a double act!

Hallam's Heroes!

Whenever I have an extended break, re-entering the school environment is a bit like spacemen must feel when re-entering the earth's atmosphere - a bit hairy, but pretty exciting. So I was pretty lucky that my re-entry path took me first to Hallam Primary School in Sheffield, after I'd had a fab Christmas break. The Year 1 children that I worked with were awesome - we zoomed off to space to find Rotten Sprout, the worst villain in the entire Universe. Once located, we managed to overcome him to free Sweet Pete, the innocent victim who'd been held against his wishes in Rotten Sprout's disgusting dungeon. I'm always amazed at how willing Year 1 children are to suspend disbelief and really go with whatever I tell them. In fact for one poor boy it was a bit much. He burst into tears declaring that he didn't want to go to space - he appeared to think that I was suggesting we REALLY fly there in a REAL space ship! (as opposed to the one that I actually had with me made from cardboard and tinfoil!). Several other Year 1 children cried too, which is a bit of an unwanted record for me, but it turned out that that was because in the great sweety hunt that began each session, they'd not managed to find any.

I also had a fun hour with Year 2. 2 B were delighted to discover that Sweet Pete had visited their classroom whilst they were in assembly and left them some chocolate biscuits! After a few poems from me, they quickly wrote some letters and poems that were given to me before the end of the day. They did them in about ten minutes, which was pretty impressive. Here they are...

Dere Sweet Pete

Thank you for the biscits and sorry you hat to go in to the smelly dungin.
I fort yor sweets was verry teystee.
I wish I was you with all them sweets.
I layct your body with all them sweets but thank you for the mesig on the bord.

Anon

My silly sister eats sweets at bedtime
It makes a big crunch crunch.
When I pick her up from school and oh no
She picked her nose then she wipes it on me
She laphes ah ah you have bowgey and tells on me

Maia G

The Treats

Oh the treats
A delicious feast.
Nothing better to eat than muffins
At least.
Yummy scrummy
I love sweets.
Muffins, chocolate, sweets
All will make a scrummy feast
At least.

George

Dear Sweet Peet

Thank you for bringing burbon biscuits for 2B it was really kind of you. We et them on 10.1.14.

From Ethan

These were brilliant guys. I'll pass on your messages and poems to Sweet Pete - he's currently living in his house in Sweety Land and having a great time. And the best news of all is that there are NO rotten sprouts there - which he's very happy about.

See you again soon!

Conrad